Toki's Worst Night Ever
by gomenasai-for-everything
Summary: Poor little Toki comes home to Mordhaus one night drunk. Rated T for a few cuss words and implied sex that's only there if you squint.


A/N This is most likely really stupid and extremely OOC, but it's like one o'clock in the morning and I don't even know how I'm actually typing even moderately legibly right now. So sorry in advance for how horrible the accents and things like that are in this.

Disclaimer-I don't own Metalocalypse or any of its characters.

Mordhaus' late night silence as Toki stumbled through it, alcohol rushing through his veins and the high of weed filling his brain. He'd gone out to a bar that night, as everyone else in the band had kicked him out for being a 'stupids dildo crysbaby' after he'd fallen and hurt his ankle on the hard stone floors of Mordhaus. Suddenly though, in his drunkenness, he fell again, this time with a huge amount of noise. Sadly for him, he was on Nathan's hallway.

Nathan grumbled loudly as a loud noise woke him from the first good night's sleep he'd had since the truckload of groupies that had come in about a week before. He pulled himself from his bed in nothing but his underwear and opened the door, intending to give whoever had woken him up a fist in their face and a knee in their dick. And that was when he saw Toki trying to scramble up from the floor, and failing quite pathetically. Nathan sighed, and decided he'd probably get to sleep much faster if he just helped the little dildo up. He could always just yell at him a lot in the morning when he had the hangover from hell that was sure to come.

Nathan went over to Toki, slightly unsteady himself from the grogginess that was still with him from sleep, and reached down to grip Toki's wrist and pull him up. However, what Nathan wasn't thinking about was that what Toki lacked in height he made up for in muscle, and with as drunk as he was and as tired as Nathan was, it was a recipe for a giant tangle of limbs. Nathan had Toki pinned to the floor, and his hand had somehow gotten tangled in Toki's hair, and what was worse was that Toki's hand had landed on his ass. What was even worse than that was that he always seemed to get a boner when he was on top of something breathing and even moderately attractive, and Toki was no exception. However, the worst thing that happened right then had to be that Skwisgaar had gotten thirsty and had to pass right by them to get to the kitchen. And of course, in his drunkenness, Toki just had to say "Natan, what ams poking me in de ass?" right as Skwisgaar was stumbling past, for once wearing underwear.

"What in de hells! Nathans, what ams you doings to Tokis?" said Skwisgaar,

"Nothing! The little dildo came home drunk and I was trying to help him up!" shouted Nathan.

"Den why ams you have a boner?" asked Skwisgaar, looking down at the very compromising position that Nathan had yet to try and get himself out of.

"God, I get a fucking boner whenever I'm on top of something alive! Skwisgaar, will you just help me the fuck up so I can just take this little dildo to his room?" roared Nathan.

"Fines, fines, gives me yous wrist." said Skwisgaar, holding out his hand. Nathan did as he was told, but apparently neither of them were thinking about the enormous size difference between them, and suddenly Skwisgaar was a part of the mass of limbs, having somehow ended up with his hand cupping Toki's crotch, Toki's hand on his ass, and Nathan pinning both of them.

The noise that this caused traveled much farther than the original sound Toki had made and suddenly Pickles was pulled from his drug induced haze. This, of course, made him very pissed, and he left his room to see what was going on. The last thing he expected to see had to be Nathan, Toki, and Skwisgaar having what appeared to be an orgy in the middle of the hallway.

"What th' hell doods, ya coulda at least waited til' ya got to a room! And how come yer all piled on top a Toki? Geez, Nat'an, ya could at least have th' respect ta let dose two sit on you!" said Pickles.

"We fell like this, asshole! Toki came home drunk, I tried to get him up and fell, then Skwisgaar tried to help me up and fell down here too. And this god damn boner is really starting to fucking hurt, so I need to get up. Now." said Nathan.

"Ja, me too! Pickles, ams you think you can gets us up?" asked Skwisgaar.

"Yeah I guess I can, ya stupid douchebags." said Pickles. He went over to them, and of course tried to pull Nathan off first since he was on top, and, of course, fell down as well. His dick was suddenly over Toki's mouth, he was thanking every god he knew of that he actually had underwear on, and oh shit his face was way too close to Nathan's right now.

"Fucks! Pickle, you ams sitting on mine fuckings boner!" shouted Skwisgaar.

"Well I'm so fuckin sarry ya douchebag! At least it isn't over Toki's fuckin mouth!"

"Or right at Toki's ass…" mumbled Nathan.

"An ass or a mouth ams what I'm needings right about nows!" shouted Skwisgaar.

"Skwisgaar, shut the fuck up! You're gonna wake Murderface!"

"What ams happenings? Mine head hurts and I can'ts breathe right" mumbled Toki.

"Toki, please don't talk! My dick is over yer mouth!" said Pickles. Suddenly, they heard a crash at the other end of the hall, and suddenly Nathan said "Fuck." No word has ever fit a moment better.

As Murderface walked up, obviously pissed, they all began squirming even more to try and get up. Sadly, it only got them more tangled up together and made their boners worse. Toki, however, was simply in pain and wondering why the hell Pickles' dick was over his mouth (he was never more thankful for underwear than he was right then), who the hell's hand was over his dick, and why was something poking him in the ass.

"What the hell are you guysh doing? God thish is sho fucking gay!" shouted Murderface.

"We fell this way asshole! Help us up, or I'll beat your fucking ass!" shouted Nathan.

"Why should I? If I leave you there then I'll be the only band member able to perform, and you can't beat my ash if you're shtuck down there." said Murderface with a shrug as he prepared to walk away.

"We won't mix your bass out of the next album, and you can have a solo! Just help us up!" shouted Nathan.

"Jusht one sholo?" asked Murderface.

"God you're such a fucking dick Murderface! How many fucking solos do you want?" asked Nathan.

"At leasht five!" said Murderface.

"Fine, whatever the hell you want Murderface!"

"Mushic to my earsh!" said Murderface, as he bent down and easily pulled them all up one by one and went back to his room.

"Alright, come on you little dildo!" said Nathan, as he grabbed Toki's wrist and went towards his room.

"No, he ams comings with me! There amnest any sluts and he ams the only one of us who ams drunk enough to not remember this in de morning!" shouted Skwisgaar.

"Dood, my dick was practically in 'is fuckin mouth! I think I fuckin deserve 'im for the night!" shouted Pickles.

"I've been stuck down there the longest!" shouted Nathan.

"What the hells, we'll just shares him alright? I just needs to get rid of this god damns boner!" shouted Skwisgaar.

"Fine." said Nathan and Pickles. They quickly grabbed Toki, and dragged him to Nathan's room.

When Toki woke up the next morning, in his own room, as they'd taken him back there when they saved themselves from their horrible boners, and went downstairs, he was rubbing his lower back, and mumbling something about his ass hurting. Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Pickles couldn't look at him for the rest of that day, and Murderface laughed his ass off every time he saw them for the next week.


End file.
